


if i make it through tonight, everybody's gonna hear me out

by achievement_huntresss



Category: The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys: National Anthem (Comics)
Genre: (at first bc Kara isn't sure abt her identity yet), Animax is Nonbinary I Don't Make the Rules, Canon Compliant, Coming Out, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Feelings, Friendship, Misgendering, Nonbinary Character, Other, Trans Female Character, general bro-ness, not-guys being dudes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-15 05:08:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28558110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/achievement_huntresss/pseuds/achievement_huntresss
Summary: A Killjoy feels uncomfortable in their skin. Luckily, another Killjoy is awake and understands.
Relationships: Animax | Maxwell & Kara 100 Percent | Kara Jeong, Kara 100 Percent | Kara Jeong/Kara 100 Percent | Kara Jeong's Husband
Comments: 12
Kudos: 11





	if i make it through tonight, everybody's gonna hear me out

**Author's Note:**

> Hi my name is Flan and I just got caught up on National Anthem, and Kara is MY WIFE. I wanted to write something like my own experience here with gender identity and coming to terms with being a transwoman, so here this is! Title from Touch Tone Telephone!
> 
> WARNING!!! Kara is the narrator (3rd person), and DOES misgender herself for MOST OF THIS FIC as she doesn't quite know how she identifies. If you are uncomfortable with trans characters using their own deadnames/incorrect pronouns, please take caution when reading this!!
> 
> Enjoy!

Sleep for a teenage exterminator is a rare treat. Kyle shifts in the passenger seat, eyeing the dark horizon. His silly 3D shades are off, sitting in a cupholder with his blaster. Blue and Red breathe quietly in the backseat, twin faces of sleep and twin exhales and inhales so scarily in sync it makes Kyle even more uneasy. He isn't one to get introspective, he usually leaves that to Animax or Mike, but sitting as the only one awake in the dark, with nothing but Mike's light snores in the driver's seat keeping him company, he can't help his wandering mind. 

Kyle turns his head to look out his window instead of the front windshield and notices a flickering orange. He sits up, cautiously reaching for the door handle. He opens it, fingers twitching back towards his gun before relaxing.

"Hey, Animax whispers, poking at the pitiful fire they've built with a skinny stick.

"Hey," Kyle responds, voice cracking slightly from disuse. 

Kyle steps out of the car, cracking his back and shuts the door lightly. He peeks back inside to make sure no one woke up, then once he's satisfied, moves to sit on the cold dirt next to Animax. They wrap an arm around his shoulders and he sighs, leaning into the touch. Neither Red nor Blue is very touchy feely, and Mike is only physical with Blue, so Kyle sometimes relies a little too much on Animax's need for physical contact when he needs comfort. Mom and Dad hadn't exactly been the physical comfort type, so Kyle really has no idea where it comes from for either of them.

Max rubs their thumb lightly on Kyle's shoulder. "What's on your mind, 100?"

"I-" What was on his mind? Kyle half shrugs. "Couldn't sleep," he says, lamely.

Max makes a neutral noise. They both watch the fire in silence. Such a simple question, such a difficult answer. In the car he'd been reliving a recent gunfight, the feeling of laser burns and acid still sizzling in his skin, the smell of carbon and rot and blood still fresh in his nose. He thinks about how his hands only stop shaking when a blaster is in them, how his voice is only strong when he's yelling positions at the other Killjoys. Thinks about how his skin has felt too tight since he met the other 'Joys, how he doesn't even like looking in the rearview mirror when he's driving Mike's muscle car. Doesn't like seeing what stares back.

He shivers and wiggles into Max a little more, who in turn tightens their arm around his shoulders.

"Ky-" Max starts, then pauses, as if giving him a way out. "You alright?" They ask gently.

And Kyle.

Kyle really isn't.

"I don't know," He says softly, wrapping his arms around his middle and curling up a little. He would never show this kind of weakness in front of the rest of the crew, but Max isn't like that, wouldn't stare or ask questions or laugh. They listen, they're patient. Kyle sighs a little and holds himself a little tighter.

"When..." Kyle bites his lip, trying to put his questions into actual words. "How did you know you were... When did you-" His voice cracks.

Max rubs over his shoulder again. "Know I was nonbinary?" 

Kyle nods.

"Well," Max clears their throat. "I kind of always knew, even if I didn't have the words for it. Being a man felt... wrong."

"Wrong," Kyle echoes, voice barely audible. 

"Yeah. Being a woman was too. Nothing really felt right." Max shrugs. "I was just... Me. Max, Animax. It wasn't until I met some others who used pronouns like they to refer to themselves that I started to feel a bit more comfortable _as_ Max."

"So it's... Did you feel... _Wrong_ when you looked in the mirror as a man?" Kyle cringes at how weird he words it.

Max nods, poking at the dying fire again. "I did," they say, so softly that Kyle knows that they know exactly what this is about.

"100," Max turns to look at him. "Do you want-"

"I don't know," Kyle says, panicked, all in a rush. He clears his throat. "I don't know. Not... Not yet."

Max takes their arm off his shoulders and takes his hand instead. "That's okay too, y'know. It can take time."

"Really?"

"Yeah. You don't have to have it all figured out. You're young, we're all young. It's okay for you to not know exactly how you identify right now."

Kyle doesn't expect the wave of relief that floods his body. He squeezes Max's hand and the other Killjoy smiles at him. The sky begins to lighten and the two watch the slow sunrise over the sands. Soon, the telltale signs of their crew waking up will sound and they'll be sent out again, blasters firing and music screaming until all of Kyle's thoughts are gone for another day at least.

They relish the quiet stillness of the sunrise together though, minds only thinking peacefully, the reality of the world not yet burning them like the sun's rays.

"Hey," Kyle whispers, turning to look at Max before the sun is almost peeking out over the horizon.

"Yeah?"

"Thanks."

Max smiles again. "Of course."

\----

Years later, as Kara walks into the pastel little café that's going out of business, she remembers that conversation. She remembers the comfort of an arm around her shoulders, the warmth of the tiny fire. Familiar yet unfamiliar faces of a motley crew with one huge metaphorical empty space and a new physical addition stare at her from the furthest corner booth. The click of her heels and _tap tap tap_ of her nails on her purse strap are just as sharp as her voice when she replies to Mike.

"Kyle?'

" _Kara_."

Red - no, Sofia. Red is long gone - raises her eyebrows, surprise ruining her usually stoic expression. Mike and the kid have similar expressions of stunned surprise, and wow okay. Kara briefly wonders if Mike knows, then almost sighs - of course he wouldn't. He never noticed anything important, especially when it was obvious and right in front of him. 

Max is the only one looking unsurprised. They're grayer, looking healthier than the other two, but their eyes are just as tired as they used to be. They sweep over Kara's figure, not in a creepy way, and they smile. Kara wants to smile back, wants to yell "I FIGURED IT OUT!", wants to run out of the cafe without saying another word to the Killjoys, return home to her husband, her job, her _normal_. Wants to leave the memory of death and blood and acid burns on her skin in the past and bury it with mundane, everyday life.

But no, they're all expecting an answer.

So Kara takes a deep breath, and addresses them all directly, eyes sharp and tone sharper.

"The answer is no."

**Author's Note:**

> Me, taking another bite of the pastrami sandwich from the fridge: anyways I absolutely love the fact that Kara being trans was so noninvasive and her old partners all immediately switched their language when referring to her. As a transwoman, it was a breath of fresh air to have a transition be such a non-problem and not made into a big deal.
> 
> Gerard Way, hitting me with their Hobbit sword at 3 am: HOW DID YOU GET INTO MY HOUSE


End file.
